Is it okay that this matters to me this much?

When I do a workshop, it doesn’t usually end when I walk out of the room. I carry it home with me. Some conversations settle quickly. Others linger, quietly asking to be understood. This was one of those. I was sitting with a coffee and reading my book when one mother’s face suddenly came back to me.

She was sitting quietly in the room, nursing her baby and listening to the exchange. She speaks a minority language - one that doesn’t appear on school curricula; one that rarely gets recognised or celebrated. One that parents are often encouraged to let go of because it’s easier or simply because it’s too much.

But easier for whom? Too much for whom?

She wanted to pass it on to her son. And she asked me:

Is it true that raising a multilingual child has real benefits?

I usually talk about this in my workshops, but lately I have somehow stopped dwelling on it too much because most of the parents I had been speaking to already seemed convinced. I didn’t think I needed to sell multilingualism to people who had chosen to spend their morning at a workshop about it. They were already convinced.

So I made a joke.

“You’re all here, so I didn’t think I needed to convince you.”

It brought the intended effect - everyone laughed and I went into the research to answer the question. She was excited, approving and told me I had given her more she’d expected to hear. So, seemingly I had done my job. Not quite though. Because it took me a night sleeping on it to realise she hadn’t actually been asking about the research.

It took me a night to understand what she was actually asking. And this realisation hit me hard.

Not is it true. She knew it was true. She carries that language in her body, in her relationships, in everything it cost her family to keep it alive across distance and time. What she was really asking was:

Is it okay that I want this badly enough to keep fighting for it?
Is it okay to keep pushing?
Is it worth everything my family is going to go through?
Can I keep going?
Am I doing the right thing?
Is it okay?

And she sat there, waiting to ask this, quietly nursing her baby.

Because not everyone comes to multilingualism for the same reasons. And that is okay.

Some parents add a language intentionally. Strategically. They are thinking about opportunities, experiences and possibilities. They have a plan and a purpose. And that’s valid.

Some start there but somewhere along the way something shifts. It becomes personal. Less about the future and more about identity, belonging and connection. And that’s valid.

Some are trying to gather all the linguistic threads shimmering around them, hoping to be able to tie them together and weave them into their children’s lives. And that’s valid.

And then there are the ones who are not adding anything. They are unearthing and reclaiming. They are in this space because a language almost didn’t survive the crossing - the migration, the marriage, the divorce, the generation that was told to assimilate and quietly did. They are there because something was nearly lost and they are not willing to let it go completely. They are not willing to part with the languages - not on their watch, anyway. And you know what, these parents are not looking for bragging rights. What they are looking for is permission. And that’s valid too.

Permission to open up these parts of themselves that have been dormant and make space for them; to keep speaking a language the world around them doesn’t particularly value. Permission to pass on something that carries little status but enormous meaning. Permission to stand firm against the pressure - from society, from systems, from even their own extended family sometimes and say out loud:

This matters. And we are not stopping.

The research doesn’t just inform those parents. It empowers them. It lets them stop justifying and start explaining. Stop begging and start standing on equal ground.

It gives them language.

That mother didn’t really need data from me that morning. She needed to hear that what she was fighting for was valid. She needed someone to say:

“Yes, it is okay that it matters to you this much!”

And I almost missed it.